The One and Only Ultimate Driving Machine

If you, like me, grew up in the 1990's and were at all interested in cars, you will remember when BMW began first televising advertisements for the 3-series. It was positively controversial. Here was one of the traditional, German luxury car companies, with a badge that practically sells itself, prostituting themselves out to the masses of nouveau riche upper middle class with, what's this, leasing options? All of it was, of course, punctuated with one of the greatest automotive marketing slogans ever written: the ultimate driving machine. This isn't a car, this isn't even an automobile, this is THE ultimate driving machine.

What none of us could have foreseen is what has come to pass. The 3-series, long envisioned as the bread and butter car for the legendary Bavarian marque, has become a worldwide sales success. In the UK, the 3-series was the bestselling car in the country. That's right, more 3-series were sold than were Fiestas, Foci, Meganes, Xsaras... well, looking at that list it's not a terribly great surprise. I wouldn't be so heretical as to suggest that people shopping for 3-series would cross-shop any of the above cars, or vice versa. That doesn't seem like sound financial planning. Merely that, in spite of the supposed "exclusivity" of the Roundel, the 3-series has quietly become a volume leader.

Since that time, BMW has continued to use "the ultimate driving machine" like a tired old t-shirt to describe everything from the 3-series to, cover your eyes, the X5. While all BMWs are well-built, well-engineered, well-thought out cars, I maintain, and no doubt to great controversy, that that 3-series from those commercials is in fact the only car worthy of the title. Before the spitballing and vitriol begins, allow me to explain, after quickly donning a poncho.

The 1991-1998 3-series, or E36 to enthusiasts, was sold in five variants from 2-door coupe to 5-door wagon. It was sold with everything from a 4-cylinder diesel to a 3.0L, high performance inline-6, under the hood. My own experiences with this 3-series have been some nearly 40,000 miles worth of driving in a US 1997 328i with the 4-speed automatic. While, admittedly, this car was deep into the model run for the E36, it can be considered the pinnacle of what was a fantastic triumph for the Bavarians. Uh oh, here comes the spit again.
While the M3 was and is a fantastic car, there is no denying the fact that the E36 M3 that was brought to the US was a positively wet car in comparison to what was available in Europe at the same time. Furthermore, the 3-series cars since the E36 have been bigger, more refined, and have offered more content. But better? By whose measure? The E36 was the last 3-series with the classic, muscular lines that BMW had been rocking since the late 1970s. There is a solidity to the E36 that a car its size should not have; it easily feels like it should be the same size as a 5-series but it isn't.

Compare this with its descendant, the E46. The E46 is also a good car, but it is in fact as large as a 5-series from the 1980s. So all the magic is lost. While the E46 avoided much of the techno-creep that was pervading the 7 and 5-series cars at the same time, it lacks the driver involvement of the E36. I have driven a 2003 E46 Performance which is an undeniably brilliant car. The suspension is tight, the steering is brilliant, the gearbox is easily best in its class. But, at the same time, it doesn't goad the driver on in the same way that the E36 does. The E46 is quick; real quick. But it is almost too effortless. Look at it this way: you find this Indian restaurant that serves amazing, authentic, and properly hot food. You come to find in about 10 years time that this place has grown to be a national franchise, and rightly so, given how good it is. Yet, in the transition to popularity, the spice has had to be toned down a bit to appeal to wider tastes. Thus it is with the E46.

I recently drove that same old E36, with 138000 miles on the odometer, 2000 miles up and down the East Coast. Let me reiterate that, I just took a car with 138000 miles on it and put on another 2000 miles without hesitation. I'd do it again to, and the car would oblige. Even better, I was able to do 80 MPH most of the way, without drama or frustration. Again, 138000! Sure, the radio doesn't display what station it's on, and the clock doesn't light up either, and the air conditioner has a demon cricket chirp when the fan is on low speed. But none of that matters. Not one bit. If those are the only things wrong with a car that has 138000 miles on it then you don't have a purchase, you have an investment. Look, I realize that BMWs are not for everyone. There are plenty of great cars out there that probably could have done the same thing at a similar age. Plenty of people out there have '97 Accords and Camrys that are still going strong. But take a look at an old Honda or old Toyota and what do you see? An old Honda. An old Toyota. Take a look at an old BMW and what do you see? A classic.

That is why the E36 is and always will be my ultimate driving machine.